What is marriage ? Older generations might call it “settlement”. But for millennials, it can be “the thing which f**ks you entirely even if you don’t want to give a f**k about it”. For millennials, the joy of “new clothes”, might get entangled in society’s “family status norms”.

We ask ourselves why are we scared of marriage? If you love someone, you just love that person and get married to them. Simple, isn’t it? But in India, your family, the whole community, your neighbors, and even for that matter your servant should also be liking that person, for you to get married. Often, you might tell your parents, you don’t see a match happening, but they might say, “so what? You don’t understand, but we do. So get married…” I often feel curious, if I don’t understand then maybe, I am not ready? 

Marriage and Maturity

I have always believed that one should get married only when they want to get married, not when the society wants.

I was once told by one of the family members that I shouldn’t interrupt or share opinions, as I don’t understand many things as i am unmarried. But my cousin could do the same, as she’s married although his thoughts don’t come from the amount of experience and understanding, even remotely compared with mine. The biggest misconception Is that you settle down when you get married. I am an advocate, holding a postgraduate degree in economics, also having my own firm is in no way considered settled, forget about where my perceived maturity levels stand. But my cousin, who had left her courses incomplete as she was getting married , couldn’t take a single independent decision, couldn’t develop her personality to the fullest , is all the way perceived as mature, intelligent, smart and settled.

Getting Settled

I still don’t understand how getting married proves that you are settled? Does marriage changes your brain, or something?

I believe whatever modifications we go through post marriage or during the course of the marriage, is due to the society, our family and all peers. Because we are forced to feel certain things, like our confusion is taken as nervousness, our need to talk before marriage is taken as desperation for each other. I mean, we are forced to feel what people around us feel.

Indians and Marriage

India is thought of as a country where we are protected by our family members and it’s our responsibility to support them.

But in reality we are actually discouraged from making certain decisions in our life. Obviously experiences do count, and they have a say, as well. My main grievances is, no matter how much you listen to them and get married to the person of their choice, when you face any marital issue, your family will end up saying that you should be handling your own problem, all by yourself.

I mean, if it was not my choice then how can it be only my problem? Thus, the fault lies in the perception of the concept of marriage. Have you also come across a similar issue? Do write to us. We have more thoughts to share and stay tune for the part two.

Stay tune to the next part! Happy Musings!