I’m sure many of my readers would have experienced terrible heartbreaks. It might be due to personal, professional or universal issues. I have three questions for you.

1. Have you forgiven those people who have hurt you? You can answer that to yourself.
2. Further, have you discounted people even when you had the power to take revenge? 
3. Or, have you taken revenge and then left that person without any closure? This would be more applicable for personal situations.  

I’m sure most of us fall in the second category.

Forgiveness and strength

You might have heard that forgiveness proves your strength. Or, it gives you peace of mind. I often wonder, why do people say that you should forgive people?  

I have been into the phase of my life where I was severely hurt. I being a very private person, kept this to myself. Finally, I opened up about this to just two of my closest friends. Both my close friends have entirely diverse personalities. One of them suggested me to forgive. Forgive not him or for him, but for my self. Forgive to feel relaxed, to feel good.

That particular incident took a lot of toll on my physical and mental wellbeing. It drained me emotionally wholly. My smiles, laughter, positive thoughts were all gone.

Even though my friend told me to forgive, I didn’t want to do that. This is because I was not just hurt but devastated. I became a people pleaser or a fake person. But when I spoke with my other close friend, about this, she suggested me to do as I feel.

Tolerance and possibilities

We all tolerate, give chances and forgive people. I too gave a lot of chances to a particular person. However, after a point of time, I decided to do what I wanted. At that time, I wanted to make that person feel at least 10 per cent of the pain, I have been through.  I wouldn’t say I liked the revenge idea because, at that time, I didn’t have a lot of power to do it. But definitely, I wanted something to do to show how it feels when ditched. In that way, I did the possible things I could do.

I understood later on why people used to say to forgive. This might be possible that when you have taken revenge, you realize the importance of forgiveness when you have someone so strong with you that they become the source of forgiving someone. But how practical is forgiving? Nor how easy is that? Or, is it possible to do it alone? You know the process of forgiveness is also known as letting go. The reason being when you do that you are not forgiving that person nor taking revenge from them. You are merely turning blind to what they did. So, I would say that ignoring the things done by that person can be a form of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is…

Forgiveness is when you meet that person again, you should be able to talk to that person. It means that person should not remind you of your past with them. But sometimes when you forgive people, you actually don’t dismiss them, but you make yourself a fool. When you meet them ever you can’t face them. You go back to the memories.

Forgiveness is not a decision but a process. It requires a lot of courage, understanding, support and self-sacrifices. Willingness to forgive and had to forgive have a lot of difference. Many people during counselling came up to me and asked how to forgive? Frankly, you don’t have to ask me if you want to forgive. You know you don’t want to forgive, but you had to because the world is suggesting. Forgive only when you have a reason to dismiss all that’s done, not when you have to find a reason to forgive. Forgive for yourself, not for others.

Who deserves forgiveness?

We say some people are not even worth of revenge. I have met such people, as well as those who have experienced meeting such people. They are someone from I feel altogether different planet. They are the ones who are habitual offenders. They have an inbuilt function of hurting people with or without reason. They barely understand the meaning of forgiveness or revenge. They hurt people for fun and don’t realize they are hurting people.

To such kind of people who cannot do anything, either you can take revenge, or you can ignore them entirely, it’s good to never come across them again. This is the only solution for such people.  Because even to think about such people is like wasting your time on them.

So, next time, when you are asked by society to forgive someone, tell them I am yet to find a reason to forgive them. And when someone questions you why you on the revenge mode, tell them you have a reason to take revenge. But whatever you do, have a good reason so that you are convinced and happy to take a particular call.  Do what you feel like and not what is right in just seeing to society.  

What you think ? Is forgiveness is the way of life? share your experiences with us at  contact@aarthalife.in  in the comments section below.

Happy musings!