In our last blog, we discussed how getting married is considered a sign of maturity in India. We also discussed that marriage is more of a family pressure based goal and less of a choice based activity.
Now, let’s talk about the system of marriage.
The System of Marriage
I always believe that marriage, as a concept, is lovely. But then, that’s true if you get the life partner of your choice. And, it is the only relation on earth, where you can be yourself. You don’t have to be fake. You can be someone you’re not even with your parents and, your partner should be able to understand you completely (or mostly), and back you whenever necessary. Be it an arranged marriage or a love marriage.
I feel that you should always settle down with someone similar to you because then there will be fewer arguments and more solutions. Confused? I will explain…
The Understanding Partner
It’s very important to have a partner who understands you so that they understand your behavior because the person will be able help you sort out the issue rather than judging your emotional and behavioral state of mind. So that it’s easy for them to support and understand your situation better.
I believe that the biggest problem in India is that we lack the guts to confront an issue. We play the Chinese whisper game. Why can’t we go ahead, sit down over a cup of tea and sort out things? This will sort many things for us and our dear ones. Believe me; it will give you a clear cut answer to all your problems. And, let me tell you, it requires a lot of guts. But it’s worth it. It gives you focus in your life. This is especially important when you are emotionally involved with someone or married to. This can be the best method to clear the clouds of doubt and misunderstanding.
The Pressure that Serves None
The next is – we in India get married, not majorly because we want to, but because we have to. Because we are pressured by our family who are pressured by society. I have seen people asking my parents about my marriage who only knows that I was born and suddenly they are keen in knowing only my date of wedding, as if I was born so that they can ask my parents this.
Eventually I also realized that there some kind of Pressure attached with this marriage concept on our parents as well. The society is built in such a frame that only parents whose children are married irrespective of what their children are considered too had perform their duties rather than families whose children are successful in their careers. In such a case, the parents of an 18 year old bride might get more appreciation than that of a Civil Services officer. So somewhere the structure of society needs to transform.
Confused Norms about Marriage
Imagine, the emotional turmoil that our families might put us in. On the one hand, we are forced to get married, on the other hand, we are shown the side effects of the marriage by the same group of people. I often get confused about whether to get married or not? They are giving us contradictory views and expect us to get a clear idea and get married to this confused state of mind. And, upon that, they expect us to be happy as well.
Coming from a conservative but privileged background, late nights and parties were big no and were raised in strict environment with lots of limitation, so we always knew that Arrange marriage is only and always on card. But was surprised when my dad said to me – “if you have anyone in life so bring him home we will see” putting down a long list of conditions with that.
I don’t understand, why our families gives us confused norms about the marriage, why don’t they tell us so that we can also look towards our life in a particular manner And then, if such things come up from your families, then you feel lost and confused as you always look for certain things from the families.
Marriage as a relation is the vast ocean where there is no end of exploring or understanding. But we do need a fundamental ground set between each and every relation. You can never see any other couple involved and say that I need such a relationship. Because you have a different life and a different set of behavior.
Knowing your behavior is very important and what you want them to see and feel the need of having the same, for yourself. What are your thoughts about marriage? Do write to us .
Stay tuned! Happy Musings!
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