“He suddenly stopped calling me or messaging me, why is he ignoring me? Have I done anything wrong or hurt him? What do you think?” This was one of the main questions that one of my client AZM asked me during her counselling session and that’s when I started to find out- what is ghosting and why do people ghost out? Is this a pattern or upcoming culture mainly in online dating? This is one of the ubiquitous things in social media where people meet, they start conversations, exchange numbers, talk, and suddenly anyone of them goes ghost. Meaning: any person, suddenly, out of no reason, goes ghost from the person they are close to or tries to disconnect all the ties abruptly without talking or without finality. This is one of the most painful experiences in one’s life, especially one in the romantic relationship. This leads to a feeling of the victim and is one of the most vulnerable feelings.

Reacting to ghosting

 When you really care about someone and get ignored, you feel displeased, upset and cheated. Loss of confidence is the most common feeling that people think, especially in romantic relations. So when you are a victim of this, the first and the most crucial thing which needs to be done is accepting that you have been ghosted and it’s not your fault. The second thing you need to do is build confidence. You need to understand that you cannot change anything and you don’t have control over the other person. You just need to remind yourself that you have a life, which needs your attention. So you need to sit down, calm down and understand that you need to go back to your routine as it will help you to reboot yourself. Third, you have to stop thinking about them as it will lead you to question them. Because sometimes it’s better to not know all the answers, as it will influence you to a chain of questions. And then sometimes it is depressing as there is no end to it.

 Let’s talk about, why do people ghost?        

“Why did he ghost me” I was asked by AZM, that who are these people who ghost, so I told her that sometimes these people are the one who is habitual of ghosting without reason, second is when these are the one who is being ghosted by someone in their life, and so they develop this pattern to move on. And thirdly the reason for ghosting can be that, mainly because they are struggling among themselves to accept certain things of their life, so the easiest way they find is to ghost without finality to the other person.

Identifying such people

Yes, it is possible but maybe not always. There is a typical pattern in people who have a habit of ghosting. Like they pamper you too much, they talk too much, they want everything too early. They will call on their own, they will make plans on their own, they will fulfil as well. But once they see that you started to trust them or start to rely on them what they do is to ignore, and they will make excuses, they will try to show they are busy, they will not reply to your messages, they will make excuses etc. so the moment you find someone like that, make yourself prepare and leave before they leave.

 Beware, don’t fall for the trap!         

After a few days AZM came back to me for a session and said that “I am so happy today, he messaged me and said he was busy so he couldn’t reply” and when I asked her what she did? She replied with a sad and confused face “I replied to him immediately, but he replied to me the next day, and I had a sleepless night thinking he may not reply to me.” And that’s when I told AZM to not to fall for the trap. This is the typical pattern of the people who ghost. They keep people high and dry and love lots of attention as these people are attention seekers. They want people to always wait for them, and their messages should not be ignored, they produce fear of losing in the minds of the people who want to keep in touch with them. They love when people search for them, and when you stop searching for them, they will appear suddenly and make excuses as one was given to AZM.                             

So, you should not fall in this trap of people who ghost you because you are then giving them a green signal that they can continue doing this and they can walk over you whenever they feel like. The movement we stop entertaining such behaviours from anyone, we break the pattern of ghosting which is very important for everyone.

Ghosting is very common in today’s scenarios, where we give social media more important than our real-life people. Ghosting is because of the insecurities in our life that we may have faced previously or because there are some other bad experiences in our life that have given us this. In any way, this is a sickness and not a habit. It starts with a habit but eventually becomes a sickness, a mental sickness of the person. Which should be made aware of the person on time, and they need to get treated on time.

Tell us if you have ever been ghosted by anyone, did you share it with anyone; how did you overcome it? If you have not yet shared with anyone ,then reach us at contact@aarthalife.in 

Understand yourself, stay fit and keep musing!